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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

02-02-02 Fun.

February 02, 2002 - 11:42 PM

    That stupid little groundhog says we're having six more weeks of winter.

    Winter is horrible. Just horrible. Of course, it probably doesn't help that I'm in a terrible mood. I feel like sulking. Nothing really brought it on. I feel sort of sad and lonely, being here on a Saturday night and all. The truth of the matter is that I chose this. I'm slowly becoming a recluse, and it's all my own doing. Josie called yesterday, apologizing for not calling earlier in the week. I was glad she hadn't called. I hate it when she calls. When anyone calls.

    Lisa called me a few days ago. I hadn't talked to her in a few weeks. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. She's my best friend. At least she used to be. There have always been things about her that made me angry, or at least quietly frustrated. One of the worst things about her is her superiority complex. Also, she's too cynical. Yes, I'm cynical. I know that. Lisa is just sickeningly cynical sometimes. Maybe she's just selfish in the worst sense of the word. I think she's all these things, which is why she frustrates me.

    Underneath it all, I know that I also have my own issues. She's away at school; I'm at home. She has the kind of adventures that only college kids away from home for the first time can have. Sex, drugs, and rock n roll. I envy that in a way, even though I don't want anything to do with it. It would be fairly easy for me to get drugs. I could call Josie (and her cousin Jenni) or Claire. It's just that I don't see a point. Why should I voluntarily kill brain cells? For a high? A mellow? A what? It seems pathetic. It's like an after school special. Some loser wants to fit in with the cool kids, so she tries pot. (And ultimately her cool new pot friend ends up hospitalized; they all learn a valuable lesson.) I don't understand kids very well, despite the fact that I am one. Their motives for being stupid evade me.

    Of course, the deep depression I'm feeling right now is probably also due to the fact that I'm alone. Everyone else can have their flings and boyfriends. I, Brigid, am alone. Again. Big surprise. And the worst part? I won't change. I can tell you right now. I will be alone for a considerably lengthy time. There are many reasons I could give you. I'm ugly. I'm boring. My boobs are too small. The problem with this theory is all the boring, ugly, flat girls who seem to get boyfriends despite the odds. Maybe the problem is my attitude, but I won't change that either. I wouldn't know where to start.

    And that, in a nutshell, is why I'm sad on this lonely Groundhogs Day.

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