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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

Contradiction

February 04, 2002 - 5:43 PM

    I am a walking contradiction.

    On the one hand, I am very depressed. On the other hand, I am easily pleased. For instance, I finally went to talk with my theater teacher today about the play I wrote back in December. Theater people can be pretty darn judgemental. He seemed pleased though. He thinks I have a good grasp on dialogue and giving each character her own voice without letting them become political mouth pieces. That was important to me because the play could have been quite political. The biggest concern he has is my ending. The conflict is resolved too quickly. I can't argue with that. I literally wrote the end of this play at the last minute. I wrote the entire play in three or four days. (I had it somewhat mapped out in my head though.)

    I was so relieved that he didn't have a million objections. He even said that we could do a run through of the play using actors from the theater department. We'd invite the theater teachers to come see the run through and make suggestions. He asked me to think about who I'd like to "cast." There are only two big parts, and I have no idea who I want to do them. None of the actresses I know seem right, but maybe I'm being weird. Anyway, he thinks I should submit it to a big theater convention thing. (I'm so technical.) I have to do revisions first so that I can get a better ending. It should be pretty cool.

    Anyway, I said I was a walking contradiction. I really am. I have a superiority complex and low self-esteem all at once. I want my friends to stop calling me, but I'm sad that I don't have many friends at school. I want both isolation and socialization. I am both stupid and intelligent. Boring and funny. Shy and slightly-not-shy. I'm a mess.

    Meanwhile, this play thing is a small victory for me. I respond well to praise.

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