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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

Air "Plain"

October 16, 2001 - 12:00 AM

    I just haven't been having a very good time lately. I got an e-mail from Leigh today. It was sent to everyone in her address book and this is what it said:

    To whom it ay concern:

    I am canceling this account today so please do not mail me any more. For those of you that care I leave for boot camp in 6 days and I am excited as hell. And for all of you smart asses :) I will personally crash my plain into your house when the air force finally recognized my piloting skills.

    Who here is saddened by her inability to spell "plane" correctly? I am. Also, she wrote "recognized" instead of "recognizes." Actually, her grammar skills just suck, but the plane thing kills me. She's entering the Air Force and can't spell plane... Oy vey.

    Plus I just can't understand this sentence: "I leave for boot camp in 6 days and I am excited as hell." How? I just can't fathom how six weeks of grueling physical labor could be seen as fun. As I wrote in an e-mail to Lisa, this is like someone standing trial and secretly hoping to be found guilty so they can go to prison. I'm still trying to figure out which one of us is wrong. Maybe basic training really is fun for some people. Maybe they like push ups and carrying heavy loads and not having any free time and not even having time to shave their legs and... Oh dear God. I'm absolutely correct. Basic training sucks big time.

    Claire's coming home from rehab on Wednesday. That's also when I start getting into a more defined play rehearsal schedule. She wrote me three letters while she was there and I wrote her one. I feel sort of bad about that, but she had more time than I did. Her letters were all so sweet. They seemed so nice, in fact, that they hardly sounded like Claire at all. It's not that Claire wasn't nice before. She was. She just didn't go around saying things like "Thank you for always having faith in me." When I wrote that letter to her, I made sure to say that I had faith in her and I even signed it "You'll always be my best friend."

    While I'm on the subject of myself, I'm really sad. I was studying for my Psychology mid-term last night and realized that I barely cared about the class at all. I'm supposed to major in it. I should care. I should like it a lot, in fact. I don't really want to do anything as a career. There's complications with all of them. I have barely started working on Dancing At Lughnasa and I'm already thinking that I never want to do another play again. I really hate working on plays. I just like doing them for an audience. I have a little over six weeks of rehearsal ahead of me. I hope it flies by... I hope it's fun. Some people say it's all up to me if I have fun or not, but if that were true wouldn't I say everything is fun? I don't like I'm really in charge of my emotions. I don't tell myself what to feel. I just feel it. And if I feel sad, well, I'm sad.

    I don't know what I want to do with my life. My dad always says I'm 18 and I have a lot of time to decide. I suppose he's right, but I worry about it anyhow. I should be enjoying my youth. I really am wasting it. Fifty year old women are buying wrinkle creams and getting plastic surgery every day to have young skin like mine and what do I do with it? Nothing. Nothing at all. It might as well be all wrinkled.

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