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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

Dance music rules! (I jest.)

October 13, 2001 - 1:13 AM

    I have been to Hell and back.

    Somehow, out of some sick curiousity, I ended up driving Leigh, Tess, and Ophelia to a dance club. There was no alcohol, which was very unfortunate. (God, I wish I was 21.) We got there and no one was there yet. The DJ was blaring the most hideous "BOOM BOOM BOOM" songs in the world. I couldn't hear anything. At one point I couldn't take it and screamed "THIS IS LIKE FINGERNAILS ON A CHALK BOARD!" My cries went unanswered, as they were swallowed up by the awful awful booming beat of the club music.

    I should mention that I don't dance. I don't believe in it. Don't take this the wrong way, but there's a reason that they say white people can't dance. So I don't. At first I thought I'd be silly and screw with people's minds by trying to convince them that The Robot was a cool dance. I even did the Hokey Pokey. I quickly gave up and retreated to the booth, where I sipped a non-alcoholic strawberry frozen drink and went to sleep. Yes, I slept. I put my feet up, covered my ears, and zoned out into a light sleep. Sometimes my friends would return. I often didn't notice they were there for a while. Especially Ophelia, who is quiet by nature. She's gone back to subtley irritating me. Leigh drives me nuts. She couldn't fathom why I didn't like dancing. She kept trying to show me how. The problem is that she is also white and therefore has about as much rhythm as a throw rug.

    I found out that Ophelia is casually dating some guy. This is further proof to me that I'm just romantically *cursed*. I can only imagine how their date went. ::dream sequence music::

    Guy: So, what do you do for fun?

    Ophelia: Uhh... not much.

    Guy: You don't go out?

    Ophelia: No. I do.

    Guy: Oh. Where do you go?

    Ophelia: Umm... like, to movies.

    Guy: I like movies.

    ::awkward silence::

    Guy: So... do you like your salad?

    Ophelia: Yeah.

    Guy: That's good.

    Ophelia: Hmm.

    That was me being *nice*. Ophelia never has anything to say. Whoever the guy is, he better like hearing the sound of his own voice.

    And then there's me. My psychiatrist and I went round and round on this subject. She says that I can't miss having a boyfriend because I haven't had one, so how can I miss something that I never had? Semantics. I told her that humans naturally seek companions. We just do. It's sad for me because I can't find a suitable one. I'm on some different plane of existence, I think. I don't know. Life is just weird.

    And Happy Ten Thirteen. (X-Files fans know what I'm talking about.) I remember writing in this diary last year on this day. My friends and I had a really good time at a Haunted House. Claire was with us and not in rehab... it's bizarre being the only one who knows what's happened to her (except Lisa.) Leigh still does drugs and she thinks I'm being stupid when I tell her not to do them. She thinks that the bad effects of them are some myth. She doesn't know that they almost killed Claire. Tess, who is flat out stupid, actually sent a letter to Claire's house, even though I've told her time and time again that Claire's not living at home. I just give up.

    I'm really depressed. I don't like my friends. I don't like myself. I don't like the fact that when I found out about Ophelia and her date, it made me sad. I should be happy for her, but all I can do is wonder what someone would see in her. She never says anything! She's so... blah. Why her?

    What the hell am I doing wrong? I wish I was born ten years earlier. Then I'd be in a more mature dating pool right now and would probably have better luck.

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