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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

She's aliiiiive!

December 09, 2001 - 1:59 AM

    I'm back. Did you miss me? No? Well... FINE!

    ::cough:: Anyway, hi. I'm still alive. I'm just insanely busy. This afternoon is my final performance of Dancing at Lughnasa. I have to turn in a thirty page manuscript on Wednesday for a play I'm writing; I've barely started. Luckily, my classes are over and finals week is here. I only have two finals: psychology and theater. Not too shabby.

    Tonight's performance was bizarre. In one scene I have this emotional breakdown. I've said this monologue a hundred times. All of a sudden I'm on stage and I forget it. I'm standing there and I have no idea what I'm saying. I start babbling incoherently and finally it all rushes back to me and I finish the speech. The weird thing is that it was probably the best I've ever done with the speech. I was trembling and on the brink of tears... everything came out in such a panicked, miserable way that it made sense. Lisa's little sister says she started to cry. Even some of the cast who were backstage during my scene said that they were close to crying. It was a really amazing accident.

    Anyway, the cast is very interesting. They talk behind each other's backs non-stop. I can only assume that they talk behind mine, which makes me a bit distrustful. Oddly enough, it doesn't stop me from liking them. Since I've gotten to college, I find that I don't dislike anyone. I sometimes dislike their actions, but I never dislike *them*. It's crazy, especially because I've always been so judgemental and all... Also, they all still think I'm nice. And very quiet, which I usually am with them. I engage in honest-to-God conversations with only some of them. Other times I am the ultimate observer. At tonight's little cast party, I was mostly an observer. The biggest thing I said all night was when Rose said that the Herbal Essences commercials were full of it. In a completely serious tone, I said "You mean... that doesn't happen to you? I thought that was normal."

    Hmm. Let's see... oh! Alex! My dear, sweet Alex. We all had to do projects for theater class, so he chose to write a play. He asked me to read all the female parts out loud in class. A major part of his play was about how his best friend rejected him. I had to play the best friend and turn him down. It felt very ironic and I wanted to laugh. After class that day, he and I walked around campus for a while and talked. It's just amazing how similar we are, even about the silliest things. Like, he said that the only Alkaline Trio song he really liked a lot was "Stupid Kid" and I feel the exact same way. The trouble is that he told me that he badly wants a girlfriend, but not right now. He wants to fix some things within himself before he can be in a relationship. I think that the rejection is still fresh on his brain and he feels that there's something wrong with him. I wish he'd notice that we're perfect for each other.

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