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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

I'm still alive.

November 30, 2001 - 3:42 PM

    God, this is the longest I've gone without writing something in a long time. Sorry. I've been rehearsing non-stop lately and I'm getting a bunch of assignments because it's the end of the semester.

    Last night was a preview show. It went pretty well. I don't know. I don't particularly feel like I did a very fantastic job. There wasn't really any kind of rush or excitement in it. Tonight's the official Opening Night, so maybe things will feel different. I just can't get over the paranoia that I suck horrendously bad. I'm just a little depressed about the whole thing.

    Afterwards, I stood in the lobby and shook hands with people. Some of them seemed genuinely convinced that I had performed well. Then there were others that I thought were probably just being nice. My director from high school came and she seemed happy for me. That was nice. I was a little uncomfortable though because I know so few people. A lot of people had friends there that came to talk with them. I've been going to school there since August and I hardly know anybody. Today I found out that the cast did something afterwards and I left early. I didn't know I was supposed to stick around. I had to take my sister home anyway. I kind of felt bad when I found out.

    Anyway, today is Claire's birthday. She said she'd come to my show. I don't really know if she will. She was in the hospital earlier this week because she relapsed with her drug problem, although it's questionable if she really quit using for as long as she says she did. What got her into the hospital was a suicide attempt, but all she did was scratch at her wrists a bit. My mom works at the hospital and thinks that Claire is just being manipulative and exaggerating everything. I don't know anymore.

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