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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

sometimes i give myself the creeps.

December 12, 2001 - 1:52 PM

    My finals are over. Now all I have to do is finish the play I'm writing, which is now due tomorrow. Why did I decide to do this? Hmm. Because I'm an idiot? Is that why? Maybe.

    Anyway, I'm really having sleeping problems. I keep turning off my alarm and going back to sleep. Sometimes I wake up and realize that I have to leave for school soon and I STILL go back to sleep. Yesterday morning I wanted to wake up early and study for my theater final. Instead I kept having dreams about not studying. I felt really bad about it in my dreams, but not so bad that I actually got up and studied. Sometimes I just crawl into bed in the middle of the day and close my eyes for forty-five minutes just because I don't feel like doing anything else. Somehow this seems strange.

    Not much has been going on the past few days. I had a meeting with my college writing teacher yesterday. He gave me an A in the class and proceeded to shower me with compliments. It was bizarre. I never knew he held me in such high regard. He said that he would often read my papers first to see what a paper could be and set the curve for what an A looks like. He also complimented me on my performance in the play and how blown away he was by it. It made me wonder if maybe I didn't suck after all.

    That reminds me. I have a theater department Christmas party to go to tonight. I'm not in the mood. I don't really adore those people, even though I know them better than anyone else I've met at school. I just can't stand how catty they are all the time. Plus they aren't very supportive. They never told me I did anything well, which made me feel like I didn't do anything well. I still have no idea if my performance was any good or not! Audience members thought so, but I got no reception from anyone in the theater department. I'd like to know what they're thinking.

    Sometimes I question my own normalcy. Like, for one thing, every time I open the garage door I mentally prepare myself for a possible psychotic killer in the garage. I believe this has its roots in the scene in Scream where Tatum dies in the garage. Every time I open the damn door, part of me is ready to attack. It just seems like a good place for a serial killer to be. Also, I always glance at the backseat of my car in case ther's a guy with a hook for a hand back there. Is that weird? Probably. Is it also weird that when I open my car door, I keep my distance from it because there might be someone *under* the car? (This has its roots in an X-Files episode.) Is small doses of paranoia normal? I hope so.

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