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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

my (relatively) bad day

April 05, 2002 - 11:49 PM

    I've had a bad day.

    The funny thing is that I feel sort of guilty for calling today a bad day. Relatively speaking, the day was just fine. Nothing dramatically awful happened. In a weird way, that's part of what made the day so miserable. I don't have enough of a life to create any drama.

    The day began when I woke up at 9:30. My first class began at 9:00. I managed to get myself together for my 11:00 class, but ended up leaving the house late. I also realized that I hadn't done the reading. I was ten minutes from school when I decided to blow off the class. I went to a noon lecture, where a woman gave a very idealistic speech on social justice. I showed up a little early so I just picked a random seat. I was surprised when classmates entered the room and immediately came to sit with me. It sounds funny, but I'm always a little surprised by things like that. It's like the random "Hi Brigid"s I get sometimes from people whose names I can't remember. I never expect anyone to know me. Somehow though, when we all left the lecture, I suddenly felt hit by a terrible wave of isolation. I began thinking about how I need to get to know more people. In an uncharacteristic move, I struck up a short conversation with a guy about the lecture. It was a small victory, and it wasn't enough to get rid of my sadness.

    The sadness just wouldn't go away. I felt both physically and mentally sick. My head ached, my nose was runny, and the loneliness was eating away at me. I can't say that I feel much better right now than I did this afternoon. Watching Casablanca helped a little. I just feel so alone.

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