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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

bouncing back

May 24th, 2001 - 3:56 PM

    I have looked into depression and bounced back...

    Hi. I'm both glad and sorry that I wrote last night's entry. I was very depressed, and those kinds of entries are always so whiny sounding. I feel good right now, though there's nothing that is specifically different. There's also no sign of the girl who was ready to die last night.

    I just realized that I haven't seen my mom yet today. Last night I kept insisting that she hated me. She said she hates the depression, not me. She says it makes me say mean things. That I was a happy little girl. That's when I told her that the happy little girl is dead and I'm here. And I'm certainly not happy. Hmm. I wonder if she'll remember that happening...

    She might not. You don't know my mom. She's usually in denial.

    I don't know what I was thinking. It all made sense last night. I kept thinking that there was nothing to live for. I guess I still don't know. My family and friends would be upset. That's about it. I don't think many people have a fabulous reason for being on the planet though. "My reason for living is my loving spouse, my darling children, my huge house, and the non-profit charity I run out of it. I am completely fulfilled in every aspect of my existence, and wake up smiling every single day because I'm so happy." No one can say that. Well, maybe someone can. Just no one I know.

    So, here I sit, drinking Mounatain Dew. The end.

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