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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

crazy/innocent

October 12, 2001 - 2:26 AM

    Okay. It's almost 2:30 in the morning. I have school tomorrow. Why am I awake? ...I don't know. I'm working on a newspaper article about the fine line between sensitivity and censorship in the media after the terrorist attack. My main focus is that list of songs that they suggest radios shouldn't play or shouldn't play as often. Someone out there believes that we'll all have nervous breakdowns if we hear The Bangles' "Walk Like An Egyptian."

    I went to the psychiatrist today. It's not very therapeutic. I used up her whole box of tissue. I feel like you're supposed to cry in there. She'll ask something dumb like "How's school?" and I start bawling. According to her calculations, my ability level is high, but my confidence level is low. So I need to boost my confidence to match my ability. I also told her how I'm not very sociable, but don't really want to be like the people who are. She nodded and told me how loud, outspoken people are usually just as insecure as me. I tried to ask her what I should do, but she didn't know. If I'm unhappy being alone, but I don't want to be fake happy to attract people, what do I do?

    All I want is someone to tell me the secret to having lots of friends and still being yourself. Maybe my personality just doesn't click with just anybody. I don't know. That's another thing: my personality. It's bizarre. The weirdest part of it is what I call "the sweetness and light" me. I did this Wednesday night at my first play rehearsal. Everyone there thinks I'm practically an angel. Because I can pretend to be one and not even feel like I'm pretending. It's partially a side effect of being shy. When you're shy, people either thing you're darling or a stuck-up bitch. I have a very youthful freckled face, so I usually get darling more than bitch. I used this to my advantage two days ago when I got home and found that my Burger King order was messed up. I drove back and went into Burger King and my sweet!personality took over. The employees responded very well and apologized. It's hard to explain exactly, but my voice shifts into a very cute little girl voice and suddenly I seem very innocent. And I'm really not sweet at all in reality. I'm very sarcastic and cynical. It's so bizarre. If I didn't always know who I was, I'd swear I had multiple personalities.

    I found out that Rivers, the lead singer of Weezer, has the same birthday as me. June 13th. Me, Rivers, and the Olsen twins share a birthday. Amazing..

    Also, I just took an emode test to see what color my aura is and look what it says. See? My personality is never consistent:

    We don't need a psychic to tell us that you're giving off a Violet vibe. An amethyst-colored aura is the trademark of compassionate, empathetic people with arms big enough to hug the whole planet. If you had your way, you'd be teaching the world to sing in perfect harmony (and maybe even buying them a Coke) or heading to a third-world country with the Peace Corps. Spiritual and caring, you're a true music lover and probably committed to at least two or three causes. Your heart is so tender that it bleeds when you hear about any pain and suffering. That's why you're always working toward change, whether it's improving your workplace or rallying for global peace. You've got your sights set on lofty goals and, because you're such a dreamer, you might occasionally overlook the details when you're on one of your missions. But you're sophisticated and worldly enough to know how to dig in and make a difference where it counts. Strong-willed and kindhearted, people with a Violet aura are the world's activists.

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