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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

Family Ties

January 24, 2002 - 10:40 PM

    I never really talk about my family, but I feel the need to do so now. My parents are still married, even thought I've often thought that they shouldn't be. My sisters are fifteen and eleven. My dad lost his job back in July, and hasn't found another one yet. Like me, he is depressed. My mom is a nurse who is currently in danger of losing her job thanks to the hospital cutting programs to save money. We're in a huge amount of debt. If my mom loses her job, she doesn't see how we'll be able to keep our house. It's a big mess.

    My parents got in a big fight earlier this evening, and their words are painful to hear. My mom wanted to talk to me afterwards, which was even more uncomfortable. She was considering taking the three of us to her mother's house for the night. Over the years, this threat has been made a few times, but never carried out. Tonight was no exception. She thinks my dad is losing it. She says he almost hit her last night, that he's verbally abusive. She's such a staunch Catholic though. She takes her marriage vows extremely seriously. After all, their 20th wedding anniversary is in May. She doesn't know what to do, and neither do I.

    The trouble is that I'm a total Daddy's Girl. After the picture I just drew for you, you're probably wondering why. To me, he's very kind, loving, and nurturing. He's also very depressed and has a bad temper. He thinks my mom is always nagging him, and maybe she is. There have been many times when my mom has made me very angry, so I understand his anger. It's such a sad state of affairs. My mom doesn't think she's safe living here anymore. I don't know what to think.

    I have a report to type, but I'm too edgy. I feel like something bad's going to happen at any minute. It's funny how calm I am on the outside. Talking to my mom, I'm the stable one: the rock. Me. The girl who cries whenever she watches Ally McBeal. The truth is that I feel sick inside.

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