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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

Telephobia, Agoraphobia, Godphobia

January 22, 2002 - 11:15 PM

    School is already grating on my nerves. I have two reports due tomorrow; I can't seem to do them. They're very short and should theoretically be painless, but my brain isn't cooperating. It's depressing.

    I keep playing the Rolling Stones song "Ruby Tuesday" just because it was in The Royal Tenenbaums. I really should go see that movie again. Claire'd like to see it. She's having gall bladder surgery tomorrow, so she might not be up to it. ;) I have to babysit tomorrow from 5:00 to 11:00 anyway. Torture. Really. The things I do for money...

    Josie called me yesterday. She woke me up, actually. For no reason. At all. Have I ever told you that I hate the phone? I seriously want to unplug every phone in the housel. To escape a meaningless conversation, I suggested we do something that afternoon; I'd call her later. She reluctantly agreed. I got saddled with babysitting my sister and her friends, so I didn't call Josie. I planned to call after 3:00, as I felt that it counted as "afternoon." She called me before I got the chance, informing me that she was leaving. She somewhat bitterly told me that she had wanted to pour her guts out to someone. I was to be the lucky listener. "I'm so sorry," I whimpered, "I got stuck babysitting. I was going to call at three." She seemed appeased. How could she not? I really went all out with my sad, sorry little girl voice. As soon as I hung up the phone, I felt like a weight had been lifted. I didn't have to go anywhere! I was a free woman. This is why I am glad that I'm not a man or a lesbian; dating a girl would suck majorly.

    I think that I may one day become agoraphobic. If not agoraphobia, then certainly another crippling phobia will be my downfall. For one thing, I have an irrational fear that God is going to do something bad to me. I have an aunt who has MS, so I'm suspicious that I will get MS and never walk again. Also, I believe that if I conceived a child, God would give it Down syndrome. Just to "test me." Or maybe I will be disfigured in a car accident... or paralyzed! This would be horrible. All these fears have me convinced that I will one day become so crazed that I will refuse to leave the house. This would not stop the onset of MS though. I'm screwed. And I don't know why I think God might do this to me. As of now, He hasn't been especially spiteful. I'm just nuts.

    By the way, I realized today that Valentine's Day is destined to be horrible. I have a huge test for culture & civilization class. I also have to dissect a sheep brain. Talk about romance, huh? Nothing like a good dissection to get me in the mood for love.

    God may not be spiteful, but He has a sense of humor.

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