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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

Jail Bait

February 8th, 2001 - 10:28 PM

    Well, I'm not sure if this week has been a dreadful mess or wonderful. There's still tomorrow. Maybe by then I'll know. There's a few things to discuss.

    First of all, there's "Scott". Scott who, you ask? Oh, go back to September! Okay. Fine. I'll recap. Basically, I had a huuuge gigantic crush (obsession) on him as a freshman. This year I'm a senior. I realized early on that I haven't completely gotten over the crush. This is probably because I felt like it was special- meant to be. Scott's not the cutest guy. Not the funniest. Not the most anything really, except to me. The moment I saw him I knew we should be together, but it just hasn't worked out like that. He went on Kairos this week. We could write letters to people going, so I decided to. I didn't write anything silly like "I love you. I always have." I told him that I'd always found him to be really smart and funny. I was very casual. I wonder if he thinks I'm a loser now. Anyway, all the Kairos people come back tomorrow night and I could go. I'd see him. Maybe he'd tell me he read my letter. Maybe... I don't know. The problem is that I'm anti-Kairos. (Read some entries from December.)

    I was trying to decide whether to go or not. Lisa has been hinting that I shouldn't. Sometimes I just want to knock her over. Sometimes I wish I hadn't supported her throughout various things. Looked out for her. Been there for her. I just want to knock her down like she always seems to be knocking me down. I don't, of course. Anyway, I can't decide if I should go to the Kairos thing to spite Lisa and take my chance with Scott. I hated my *own* Kairos ceremony. Why go to someone else's?

    Some good things have happened this week. Like, I have this teacher. He's adorable and talented (and married and in his mid-thirties.) He wrote and performed a whole CD. I wrote the review for him.

    He loved it: "I was expecting your review to be technically sound, but your depth of understanding of the music, your word selection, & clarity of thought is simply incredible."

    He is so great. Man. I've never really had a crush on a teacher. His music really swayed me though. Anyone with that much talent is just so beautiful. My evil journalism teacher even loved it and gushed about how I should put it in the paper. All of that made me feel good. Also, at my literary magazine meeting today, my poem got a 4 out of 4. I only submitted two poems. Both got 4s. This one's title amused everyone, so I just kinda sat there thinking they would all hate it. After reading it, everybody liked it. :) I guess it was just the title. (It was called "Nerd".)

    Ophelia didn't come to school today. We're getting along pretty smoothly... calmly. Maybe I'll see what she's doing tomorrow night. She was talking about going to that Kairos thing. Maybe I'll go with her. Screw Lisa.

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