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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

The Way That I Am

December 5th, 2000 - 9:17 PM

    I tried to update this diary by adding custom HTML. It's not showing up. Maybe it'll show up later. I don't know. Anyway, my furniture arrived today. I don't think I told you, but I'm totally redoing my bedroom. The carpet was installed yesterday and the walls were painted last week. I'm going for a pacificish ocean theme. I live in Illinois. I need an ocean. I even bought a wall mural of a beach with some palm trees. Does that seem cheesy? Maybe just a bit. I guess it doesn't really matter because the only one who cares is me.

    Christmas break is so weird this year. It's not even going to be a full two weeks. My neighbor wants me to work at her office over the break. I worked there over the summer and made good money. I was happy. I still have a lot of community service to do though, so I'm going to be very busy. Plus next week is Kairos. Maybe they'll brainwash me into being happy that I'm spending my "break" working and doing community service.

    I still don't know how I'm doing with the Kairos/Ophelia situation. Maybe this thing was coming and Kairos just brought it out. I hope not. I have a history of ruining friendships. I can sometimes salvage them. I've done that with both Claire and Lisa, and they're probably my two best friends. Ophelia used to be one of my best friends. ::sighs:: I just don't know. I remember eighth grade. I got in a huge fight with my best friend and we were never close again. To this day, we don't even acknowledge our past friendship. We're aquaintances. This is going to sound silly, but I feel the same was about an on-line friend of mine. We used to be great friends. Then something happened. It wasn't a fight exactly. It was an honest-to-God "falling out." We had a falling out and I still sometimes wonder what I did wrong.

    Maybe nothing. Maybe everything. I just wish people would tell me these things so that I wouldn't do them anymore. Thinking it over, every time I begin to feel close to someone something happens. That's definitely odd. Maybe I'm too negative or something. I just don't know. I'm me. That's all I can do. Apparently, it's not good enough for most people.

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