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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

The Long and Winding Road

July 14, 2003 - 12:13 AM

    Since it's past midnight, it is now officially my Big Job Interview Day. I'm still working at The Quick Stop, but my neighbor wants me to work at his law firm. The "interview" is pretty much for show, I think. I don't believe that they're looking at anyone else. Even so, I decided to buy a new outfit for the occasion. Tess and I walked into New York & Company on Saturday night, walked around for a bit, and ended up finding the cutest plaid skirt and blouse set. It's gray, black, and pink, and it's adorable. I opened up a credit card to get 15% off, so it ended up costing $60. That still sucks though. It took me ten hours of work to pay for that outfit.

    Friday and Saturday were difficult. Friday was the wake for my favorite teacher. I met Tess and Ophelia at the funeral home, and we went in together. On the way there, I was trying to decide whether or not I should allow myself to cry. I never decided, but I ended up crying when I met his mother. I felt awkward with his wife, and I didn't quite know what to say. His mother took my hand to shake it and thank me for coming.

    "I was his mother," she said, and her use of the past tense struck something in me.

    I wrapped my other hand around hers and said, "I am so, so sorry." I started tearing up.

    "He was fun, wasn't he? Everyone's been saying he was fun," she said.

    "Yes, he was," I told her. "He was the best."

    I was still crying at that point, but I pulled myself together in the hallway right after that. I saw my old high school crush Scott, but I walked right past him. I heard Tess say hello, but I didn't want to see him. Somehow all that starry-eyed love from when I was fourteen has become an illogical dislike now that I'm twenty. There's really no good reason to dislike Scott or harbor any bad feelings. Seeing him at the wake looking distraught was not something I wanted to acknowledge. We were never really friends anyway.

    I didn't go out Friday night because it felt too weird. Saturday morning I put on my favorite dress and went to the funeral with my sister. This time I cried when his wife spoke. "We had a perfect love," she said; I believed her.

    That night we were going to go see Bend It Like Beckham, but it turned out that it was only playing in Chicago. We didn't feel like going all the way to Chicago, so we settled on seeing The Whale Hunter at a theater forty-five minutes away. I had mixed feelings on the film, but Tess and Buffy loved it. Afterwards I felt incredibly tired and worn out.

    Today was church, swimming, eating, watching Sex and the City, and actually--get this--riding my bicycle. Truly strange stuff. It was also my first time swimming this summer. My aunt has a pool, but I never accompany my family when they go swimming there. It could be because I feel so damn fat or that my aunt often drives me crazy. I was glad I finally went. My aunt, for all her annoying habits and comments, really likes me. She thinks I'm hilarious and should go be a writer for The Daily Show. (She tells me this every time I see her.) It's hard to keep disliking someone who obviously likes you.

    Speaking of disliking people, some of my friends are beginning to drive me a bit mad. I hate when people think they're something that they simply aren't or when they get all smug and philosophical on me. Oh, and I've totally given up caring about other people's religious convictions. If you don't believe in God, I don't care. I never really did exactly, but I was always annoyed by atheists. Now I've decided to ignore everyone. Had a huge spiritual breakthrough lately? Don't come to me about it. I don't care. I'm going through a little cynical period right now, and the last thing I need to hear about is how you've discovered the key to the universe.

    I'm really tired, so I might go to sleep. It's been a long weekend.

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