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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

Mad Season

April 8th, 2001 - 10:41 PM

    I keep playing Matchbox Twenty's Mad Season over and over. The song seems like it's talking about me. Sort of. I mean, I do often feel stupid. And I too come undone. In this mad season.

    I went to the mall on Friday. I actually wrote an entry in the mall:

    On Friday night Lisa called me. She wanted to go to a restaurant where Billy works. I drove her there and Billy wasn't working. We had come all that way, so why not eat? The place managed to have a seafood/ocean theme without being all obnoxious about it. Lisa told me how she had been depressed that night and how this had made her feel better. (Note to self: Now she's stealing my depression! That bitch! *g*) She told me that NYU wouldn't give her any money, so she would probably go to an school in Illinois. She told me about how her Ivy League crush seemed disappointed in her. I called that being an "academic snob" and she agreed. Somehow I began talking about how I feel the need to reasset my individuality. Somehow my feelings became clear enough for her to say "I took your theatre." Thinking back, I'd like to say, "Took it? Hardly. You may have borrowed it, but it's like you borrowed a dress that looked much better on me." Of course I didn't say anything like that. I softly said, "I didn't say you took my theatre." Then we sat in silence for a few minutes.

    Later on, Claire called my cell phone. She wanted us to come to a party in a hotel. This made me feel sick. I am so uncomfortable with her friends. Lisa started berating me. She told me that I was stereotyping people who use pot and drink a lot as bad people. "What? Do you think they're going to hurt you or something?" she smirked. So I slapped her across the face and left her to call for her own ride! No, actually I didn't! I took her to the damn party, analyzing the situation all the way there.

    We reach the hotel and go in. It's got that great hotel smell that makes Lisa and me think of vacations. When we find room 200, we stand outside. The people inside are talking and they sound quite stoned. I knock on the door gingerly. No response. We stand outside the door. Apparently all my analyzing has ruined the mood for Lisa. She thinks we should just leave. I ask her about Claire. Shouldn't we say something to her? No. So we leave. All the while I feel like I'm a character in a short story with a disappointing ending.

    I get home. I feel miserable. Claire calls. I lie. I act completely shocked and apologetic. I tell her that on the way there my parents called and made me come home. I had forgoten to call. I sound so sincere. I hate myself. She sounds a bit sad. She says we'll have to get together soon and I agree.

    Saturday is dull. Leigh and Ophelia invite me to see Tom Cats. I say it's a guy movie. I go anyway. It was a guy movie.

    Today I actually went to Church for Palm Sunday. My mom was thrilled. Later, avoided all my homework and slept and was sulky. Then I watched The X-Files and it sucked. Plus I only have three full days of freedom before I leave for England. :( I want to go and don't want to go at the same time.

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