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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

A New Day

September 18th, 2000 - 10:49 PM

    First things first, I just quit my message board. Actually, I took a "leave of absence." I don't know why I did that. Those people are why I come on-line. They keep me up when I'm tumbling down. Actually, I think that *is* the reason I needed a LOA. Relying too much on internet friends isn't healthy. I need to work on communication skills with the people that I face day to day. I couldn't even tell you half the things Rachel does. She's one of my best friends, and I have no idea what she does. All I know is that whatever she's doing isn't what I care to be doing. If I didn't go to a stupid midwestern Catholic school full of hypocritical snobs, it would be so much easier. I could find people like me... quirky, random people. I'm not sure how many X-Files freaks who adore Jon Stewart and build shrines to Janeane Garofalo there are, but I must keep the dream alive.

    Another reason I left my message board is because I have a spiteful streak. Yes, it's true. I can be petty. I have a friend there who I used to feel really close to. We've completely drifted apart. She's turned and gone towards someone she always hated. I'm not really sure why. All I know is that I can't take it anymore. It's strange when you realize that people aren't who you think they are. Maybe they're just not who you want them to be. The line is blurred.

    ...and to finish this not-too-happy entry, I'll tell you the good things about all this. I'm free. I can *live*. It's not that I couldn't before, but I suddenly feel more free. I feel an ounce of the hopefulness that I felt as a freshman in high school. I can find a cool guy. I can get good grades. I can be in the school play again. It can all happen if I want it to. The world is open.

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