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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

The play's the thing.

January 21, 2003 - 10:55 AM

    Tonight's the first night that I don't have play practice since, well, two days ago. It feels longer though. I know I shouldn't feel so bad about it (we've only been practicing a week), but I don't feel like I'm doing a very good job. My English accent still sounds Irish, and I'm not at all creative when it comes to moving around the stage. The director's very big with, "Be in the moment. Do what feels right." The trouble is that, generally speaking, I stay stationary when having a conversation. I don't have any big impulse to cross the room as I speak. While this works out just fine in real life, it's downright dull on the stage. Also, I'm not loud enough. Every director I've ever had has handed me a note at some point that says, "VOLUME!" This all adds up to me feeling like a miserable sham of an actress, even though we've barely started.

    The reason we don't have practice tonight is because there are auditions for another show. I was going back and forth on whether or not to audition, but then I had an epiphany Sunday morning at work. I don't want to do another show this semester. Suddenly it all became very clear. I don't have to try out if I don't want to. I don't want to. I won't try out. Ta-dah! Ah, the flow of simple logic... It's a beautiful, rare thing.

    An odd thing happened on Sunday night. I was on-line while watching the Golden Globes, and I got an instant message from Lisa. This in and of itself is odd, but it's not the odd thing. She told me that she auditioned for a play at her school and that she did not get called back. The two friends she brought with her for "moral support" did. Lisa, without any cue from me, admitted to a failurelike situation. I was a little shocked. This is the kind of thing I always assumed she kept from me. I didn't even know what to say. I told her that she wouldn't have had time to do a play anyway. She's currently doing three different radio shows. She said she wished she could believe that it was all based on her prior commitments, and I told her to go ahead and believe it. Don't internalize things like this. Maybe I'll call her this week to talk, even though I have no idea what I would say.

    I feel like I'm having a boring streak. I'm not all that much fun to be around at rehearsals. I think that perhaps I was a Victorian-era child in a past life because I have a "Do not speak unless spoken to" attitude with strangers and acquaintances. With my friends I become very opinionated and talkative. I like to think that the latter is my true self. I have many opinions, but they all shut off when I'm uncomfortable. It's not so bad though. People tend to think of me as very sweet and kind just because I don't talk much. I let them think that. There's no real harm in it, and it could be much worse.

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