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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

Roar.

June 28, 2003 - 6:03 PM

    I feel kind of like a caged tiger, and I think this means I should leave the house soon. It's just that I'm so angry at the same time. A lot of this anger is directed at Lisa, but it's also at myself. The thing with Lisa is that, frankly, I'm not sure we even like one another anymore. (Oddly enough, she just called me as I was finishing that sentence. We had a thirty second conversation.) We've been planning to go to the Warped Tour for a while, and it's tomorrow. I'm worried that it's going to be godawful. The concert itself should rock, but Lisa and I are in a bad place. She called me last night to ask if it would be okay if she drove up with her sister's friend, which would leave me to drive there alone. I was thinking, "Die bitch die," but I said, "Yeah, sure."

    Apparently she thought that Khara was going with me, so I guess she wasn't being terribly mean. Now I'm driving there with Lisa's sister's friend and her friends. It made me realize something. The only thing worse than going with Lisa is going with Lisa and people that only she knows. She'll ditch me in a second, mentally if not physically. God, I know I shouldn't think such bad thoughts about her. Maybe it's a defense mechanism because I get the impression that she's not too keen on me lately either. It's just that we've been friends for fifteen years, and I *know* her. She's got a mean streak. She's got a lot of good qualities too. Perhaps I need to remind myself of those.

    Anyway, I'd really like to see Khara. I haven't seen her lately, and I feel an odd compulsion to do so. She seems kind of busy though. Maybe I should call Tess. She was shopping last night with her gay guy best friend. (I'm her straight girl best friend.) She invited me to go with them, but I wasn't in the mood. It was storming, and the prospect of watching The Hours all cuddled up in warm blankets was more appealing.

    I think what I need is a boyfriend, if only for a little while. I just had the strangest idea that getting a boyfriend would solve my problems with Lisa. I know that it sounds crazy. It might be. I think that Lisa would have more respect for me if she thought I could get a man. I really do. Man, how insane! Hmm.

    All right. Maybe I'll go shopping for a bit. My friends can call my cell phone if they want to do something... Wait just a minute! Buffy! I nearly forgot about her. Perhaps I should call Buffy. After all, she gave me Clinique's All About Lips for my birthday. Once you buy me a lip care product, you're in my heart forever.

    Edit: Ophelia called five minutes after I finished writing. We're going to see Charlie's Angels. I have no interest in seeing this film, but I need to go somewhere with someone. It just dawned on me that what I was feeling was loneliness. After I made plans, I immediately felt better.

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