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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

thanksgiving is a time for giving thanks... brilliant!

November 22, 2001 - 9:29 PM

    Happy Thanksgiving. :)

    I'm in a strange mood. I feel like I'm being pulled in opposite directions between the past and the future. I'm sitting here in the present and I don't know what anything means. I turned on my Buddy List just now and realized how I never really talk to these people anymore. There's Ophelia, who I haven't spoken to since the dance club debacle in October. There's Lily, who was such a good friend to me at one time in my life and means nothing to me now. And then there's Alex, who I never have the nerve to IM because I can't figure him out. I guess that, in all honesty, I'm fearful of his rejection. And the internet can be so cold. There's no facial expressions to read, tone of voice to analyze... It's just these words on a screen.

    Part of me feels an immense desire to fix things. I could IM Ophelia right now and wish her a happy Thanksgiving. I could IM Alex and do the same. What if he doesn't remember my screen name and he has no idea who I am? What if I tell him "It's Brigid" and he still doesn't know? What if... What if he's thought the same thing about me? What if we're both too damn shy? Gah. God, should I be pro-active? What could it hurt, right? Well, my pride...

    Okay. I've just successfully IMed Ophelia and we are now making pleasant conversation about how busy we are at school. That wasn't so hard. After all, I've known her for four years.

    Alex and I were not to be. I just IMed him and got the auto response saying he is not accepting messages. I sort of hope that later on he sees that I tried to IM him and is distraught because he missed it. The odds of that are slim, but I must remain positive. At least I made an attempt.

    Well, fine. That was an unsuspected step in the right direction. Look at me. I start off this entry all wishy washy and end up making progress after all. Hurrah. Now all I need to do is make some new friends at school that want to go hang out on weekends. And I need a boyfriend. Then everything will be fine...

    Anyway, happy Thanksgiving once again. I spent the day cleaning, eating turkey, and watching Bridget Jones's Diary with my mom and sister. My mom actually stayed awake through the film and loved it.

    Awww. And Ophelia just said this: "You'll be fine, don't worry. Your a great actress. They wouldn't have picked you if they didn't believe you could pull it off. You were made for this role, with the whole irish thing and all. It has to be fate. :)"

    If she hated me, she wouldn't say that, right? Sure. And at any rate, I feel better now. Thanks for listening to my cold, dead words on a screen.

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