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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

thanks for keeping an open mind

March 19, 2001 - 9:17 PM

    It's funny. I feel emotionless right now. I should probably be freaking out at the amount of homework I have that's due in two days. And the long musical rehearsals I've had lately because there's less than two weeks until Opening Night. Two seems to be the magic number.

    Two days ago was St. Patrick's Day. I went to my uncle's house for a family gathering. This could only mean trouble. For one thing, I hate this guy. I'll call him Uncle Jackass. Okay. So here I am at Uncle Jackass' house, minding my own business. Suddenly we are arguing about Catholicism. (I honestly don't recall how this started, but it was probably me who brought it up.) I'm saying how Catholicism is anti-gay. He's basically saying, "Yeah, so what?" He calls homosexuality a "perversion" a bunch of times. I inform him that consenting adults can do what they want. That loving people have the right to be married, gay or straight. He accuses me of being gay. He tells me that if all people believed that homosexuality was right, then the world would end because we'd stop reproducing. I tell him that just because it's right for gay people doesn't mean it's right for everyone. The conversation becomes tiresome. Uncle Jackass goes to get a beer to make himself feel better.

    Then there's my cousin. She's nineteen years old, a sophomore at college, and an N Sync fan. I only mention that last part to help destroy her credibility as a rational human being. I'll call her Petunia. Petunia asks me if I'm still against Catholicism. I say yes. She is highly disappointed. She is horrified at my lack of morality. I must admit that I purposefully screw with he head a little. She asks me about sex. She knows a German girl who believes that the commandment about adultery was only created because people got married so young. If you were married at 14, why the need to have sex before? So the German girl believes that it's okay to have sex before marriage nowadays, seeing as though you have to wait so much longer to be married. Petunia doesn't believe this and is curious what I think. I tell her that I've always thought that sex was dirty and wrong, but I don't feel that way anymore. I don't think people SHOULD feel that way. I also told her that I'm not in a relationship and that maybe I'd have a better idea of how I felt if I was. She is horrified that I'd even consider having sex. She thinks I am a wretched human being. She says that she is glad to have her mother and not my mother; she is grateful she didn't turn out like me.

    I was angry at Petunia and Uncle Jackass. I covered my anger with smooth cynicism, but it made me cry later on. In fact, I was so upset at the small minded silly people of the world that I was ready to die. But I didn't. Here I am. One of the things that made me hopeful is that most of my family had read my editorial. A family friend kept telling me how well it flowed and how talented I was. It made me think that maybe I'd be a writer after all.

    I wonder if anything I write will ever be published. I started thinking about it Friday, when I attended a poetry reading. The poet was named Bill Collins. He wrote funny poetry- not the depressing stuff I typically write. He was talking about haikus and how one time he overheard a wonderful haiku in a parking lot:

    "when he found out he

    was like oh my God and I

    was like oh my God."

    It was funny at the time. I saw this boy at the poetry reading. His name is Charlie. He's one of the smartest boys in school. He's also creative and funny. He always pretends to love Jon Stewart for me. At the poetry reading he said a poem for me:

    "Jon Stewart.

    Comedy Central.

    Central to my heart."

    I love Charlie. Not love love. Like love. Silly teenage girl love. Not even. More like... I don't know what. I love him in a similar way to the people I know on-line. Just talking to him makes me happy. Seeing him makes me feel good.

    Meanwhile, life goes on. Hopefully the musical will come and go quickly. I will return to normal existence. The universe will keep on truckin.

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