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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

Perchance To Dream

January 13, 2002 - 7:17 PM

    I feel like a sap.

    For one thing, I was cleaning out my desk and discovered old letters. They were from a retreat, so people were especially complimentary and sentimental. They nearly made me cry. I don't know why I can always cry for fictional characters, but sometimes I can't cry for reality. Maybe it's better that I didn't cry. Makes me less of a sap. I read Ophelia's letter and it all flooded back. She wrote that she considered me her best friend because I understood her better than anyone. She said she didn't know where she'd be if she didn't have me as a friend. In the end, I let her down. She e-mailed me yesterday, thanking me for sending her a sympathy card. Her grandpa died. Apparently he was sick through December. What's strange is that December is the month I kept having all those dreams about her. In one of them, her mother was dead and I offered my condolences. It was like my unconscious knew something that I couldn't possibly have known.

    I e-mailed Ophelia back with a strange e-mail. I apologized for not living up to her letter, as well as being a huge bitch when last we met. (This would be the October 13th dance club fiasco.) The e-mail felt pretty stupid, but somehow necessary. Maybe only for me. For all I know, she's off in her own little world, completely oblivious to my guilt. I wonder what she does on weekends. I wonder if she goes on dates or has found new friends at the junior college. Maybe she's with Buffy, which would be sad. Buffy was always so annoying. I think I just feel sad because Ophelia was my friend once- a good friend. A friend who considered me a best friend. Now she's just the girl who haunts my dreams.

    Do you see what I mean? I'm a sap. A melodramatic sap. School starts tomorrow. I must quickly change my outlook. I must be fresh and cheerful. Maybe this semester will be better than the last. It could happen. Definitely.

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