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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

Valentine's Day sucks.

February 14, 2002 - 9:56 AM

    Look what day it is: Valentine's Day. That's right. It's the worst, loneliest day of the year. And what's worse is that, if I were to be completely honest with myself, I don't care. I don't feel *that* bad. Of course, it's still morning. I'm sure that by this evening I'll be moaning about how I'm going to die alone. Can you imagine how neurotic I'll be in ten years? Twenty? Dear God. I'm only 18 right now, and I'm convinced that my love life is doomed. If I'm alone in ten years, I'm probably going to have a nervous breakdown.

    Josie gave me a new theory on my miserable lack of love. She called me last night (oh joy!) and made me listen to her for about two hours. Most of it was about the subject of dating. It was pretty insightful really. At least insightful into Josie's psyche.

    Things I learned while on the phone with Josie:

    1.) Josie hates her looks, only not for the reasons that most people hate their looks. "I hate being beautful," she moaned. Oh, yeah. Poor her. She says it's terrible being beautiful because guys think she's dumb and want to sleep with her. "It wouldn't be so bad if I weren't smart," she said, "But I am. That scares guys away." Once again, poor poor her. Smart and beautiful. How does she deal? I wish I had her strength.

    2.) In relationships, Josie is a game player. She gives guys "a taste of her" and then pulls away just to see how far they'll go to get her attention back. She says she pulls away so much that they really have no choice but to break it off. Then she makes them feel so guilty for dumping her that they beg her to take them back. They tell her they've changed, even though *they* broke up with HER.

    3.) She suggested that maybe I don't get dates because guys see me as okay. (At first, I was offended that she gets to be "smart and beautiful" and I get to be "okay", but then she elaborated.) According to Josie's theory, guys want someone who needs them for something. They want to save you in some way. If you're already "okay" and don't need them to do anything for you, then what's the point? Hmm. An interesting theory. My aura must not be screaming for help. I don't really want it to. Then again, shouldn't it be? Aren't I desperate? Am I not always seeking love? Maybe not.

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