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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

What People Do For Love

April 29, 2002 - 12:43 AM

    Gah. I'm screwed.

    I have way too much homework due later this morning. I just finished typing a report on pro-anorexia web sites for my Pschyology of Women class, which depressed me beyond belief. I got nowhere on my Ophelia/Freud paper, which I will have to tell my writing teacher. I tried. I really did. The web failed me. I couldn't find any good papers written by Freud.

    Anyway, I had to do a little therapy session of my own earlier this evening. Sonia called me, and I devoted an hour and a half to guiding her towards rational thought. I've told you that she's dating a total Psycho. The relationship has become even more unhealthy. Saturday night, Sonia and Psycho went on a date. Sonia brought Ophelia along, and Psycho brought "Accomplice." Everything seemed fine until they all went back to Psycho's house. Somehow they started wrestling. It started off in a flirtatious manner, but soon grew more serious. By the end of the evening, both Sonia and Ophelia were bruised. Sonia described how Psycho pinned her to the floor and allowed Accomplice to hit her. She said there were times when it was really painful and she asked him to stop, but he kept going for a few minutes. Then he would stop and seem angry at her. This lasted HOURS. It ended in Psycho asking Sonia to leave his house. Near tears, she gathered Ophelia and went to her car. Psycho ran behind her, pulled her into a kiss, and asked, "See you Monday?" She said yes and drove home.

    Her major concern: "Do you think he'll break up with me?"

    I wanted to scream. Instead, I went through careful analyzation of her motives. I started with her doubts of self-worth that make her want to stay with *any* boy who wants her. I emphasized that she can do better. She can have a boy who doesn't hurt her. Or her friends. I mean, Jesus Christ! The two guys were on Ophelia too! She's such a small, helpless person in all respects.

    Sonia said that she could see herself spending the rest of her life with this guy. She wants them to be happy. He refuses to change. I pointed out how unhappy she is now, and the only way the relationship will work is if he changes. And he's not going to. So, basically, the relationship is never going to improve. It will only get worse and more abusive. He has a history of violence. He enjoys it. She deserves better. Everyone deserves better. She can't accept that.

    After I had tried every possible angle, I got off the phone. Half an hour later, Tess called me. She had just gotten off the phone with Sonia. Tess was very upset. After all, she feels responsible for the entire planet. I told her there was nothing she could do. I'd tried. I'm fully confident that I said everything one could possibly say. Sonia wants a boyfriend too much to let him go.

    By the way, Sonia wants me to take a road trip with her and Ophelia in two weeks. According to her, as soon as they started thinking of people to bring with them, they both said "BRIGID!" at the same time. She seemed thrilled that I would even consider going with them. I doubt that I will actually go through with it, but I have an inner desire to not be left out of things. I might go just to go.

    And, in my own life, I'm being plagued by intense dreams. Last night, I was pregnant. I was confronted by Lisa's parents. They asked me who the father was. I said, "I don't think I should say." They exchanged a knowing look. "I mean, I don't know," my dream-self stammered. Then something snapped. I screamed "I am not trash! It's not that I've slept with so many people that I don't know! I don't remember sleeping with *anyone*! This kid is the Second Coming for all I know!" I couldn't figure out what my dream meant, but I think it has to do with the rumor that Lisa's younger sister had an abortion. I believe that's why I was facing her parents and not my own. I have no idea what provoked the dream, but the emotions were very raw.

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