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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

Woe is me.

August 28, 2002 - 12:55 PM

    I'm a little depressed today. It's Day Three of school, and I suspect that it's going to be a lonely year. I look at the people around me and can't imagine hanging out with them. There are two specific types of people that seem to be in abundance.

    Type #1 is a girl with shoulder length blonde or blonde highlighted hair. She is usually average height and thin. She's most likely got a pretty good tan. These girls seem to be magnetically drawn together to form an intimidating little clique that seems straight out of high school.

    Type #2 is a white male with blue eyes and brown hair. He is of average height and average build. He is named something like Mike or Chris. He spends most of his time flirting with Type #1 girls.

    Right or wrong, these people all blur in my mind. I can't put names and faces together. All I see is Guy With Brown Hair. The monotony is really boring.

    At any rate, I looked around for people that I could possibly form a connection with, but I came up empty. Is it weird that I write off extremely attractive people as candidates for friendship? I'm not saying that none of my friends are pretty. I've just known them so long that I hardly notice it. If I had to take a guess, I'd explain this by saying that my own insecurities and rejection fears are holding me back. I believe that to some extent. I also believe that my evil little superiority complex is at work. Part of me feels like I'm above silly superficiality. I feel unworthy and superior at the same time.

    I need to make an appointment with my shrink. Too bad he'll probably be unhelpful. At my last appointment he spent more time talking about my shoes than my mental health. He's somewhat short, and I'm taller than him without shoes. That day I was wearing shoes that made me really tall. He was fascinated. My mom knows him, and she thinks he has height issues. I'm thinking she's right.

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