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current mood: The current mood of lostintranslation at www.imood.com

Work Thoughts

July 15, 2003 - 11:56 PM

    I wrote this while I was at work today:

    My boss called. "I'm in court, and they're not calling my case, so I'm going to be late," he said apologetically.
    "Okay," I said brightly.
    "You're worth three times what I pay you," he said, or at least that's what I think he said. I was too busy thinking about how calm and understanding I would sound to hear him.
    "Don't worry about it," I said in a soothing tone. (I didn't quite mean it. I had a 6:00 appointment at the salon.)

    After I hung up, my brain processesd that he just said I'm worth $18 an hour. Christ, would he pay me $18 an hour? No, no, of course not. That's ridiculous. Still, maybe he'd match Ben's offer of $8? Maybe he'll beg me to stay because I'm the best employee he's ever had. Then I could continue reading novels and eating candy bars instead of answering phone calls from annoying people. And they would be annoying. Ben practically said as much.
    "Divorce lawyers see good people at their worst," he told me yesterday.
    How true! They'll be calling every five minutes with complaints about how slow the process is and how their spouse isn't paying child support and a bunch of other things that I won't be able to help them with. It will be a disaster. I'll be off marriage forever. When John Cusack finally pops the question, I'll have to say, "As much as I'd like to be Brigid Cusack, I can't. I learned from working for a divorce lawyer that marriages are a mess."

    Yes, I'm much better off at The Quick Stop. Sure, my boss is always late and unreliable. Yes, I'm making less money there. But what if I wasn't? What if my boss offered me $8.00 or more?Then there'd be no down side (except for my boss' problem with punctuality and the later hours). So here's how it will go: I'll tell my boss about the new job. If he can't compete with the new wage, I'll become a cynical, marriage-hating, debt-free lawyer's assistant. (More like a lawyer's assistant's assistant, but who cares about such minor details?) If he falls to his knees and begs me to stay, while matching the wage, I will stay at The Quick Stop and happily get fat and well-read.

    Now all I have to figure out is when and how I will mention my new job to my current boss. (Certainly not today.) Oh, and if American Eagle calls to offer me a job, I will sadly inform them that they missed their chance to hire the Best Employee Ever. (Only I might change the wording a bit.)

    Also, I have a new weight loss plan. I will take a martial arts class at night. I will become physically fit, mentally balanced, and be able to fight off would-be muggers in the parking lot. This will not add to my credit card debt because my parents so love the idea that they have offered to pay for the classes. I think things are finally looking up. If I could find a nice boyfriend, it would practically be perfect.

    Now things are actually even better. I got a check from the government for $315. God, I love the federal government. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. (I should write George W. a thank you note.) That will obviously go towards my Discover bill. Oh, and I'm 87% sure that I'm taking the office job with Ben. It's more money, and I'd be out of the office at 6:00. The mall is open until 9:00, which would cut into my studying time. (Ha. Ha. Like I study anyway.) It has some downsides, like me doing actual work, not being able to watch Passions, etc. I have always made my schedule around Passions, and now my efforts are crushed. I love that damn soap opera. Anyway, money is always fabulous.

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